A Letter to my Adolscent Self
“Zero is just a number. It is slippery too. You cannot make it yours forever home. Be it a zero in studies, a zero in life, or a size zero. I’ll elaborate for you.
Seeing those perfect figures in the magazines, films, or TV you crouch. Listening to endless invectives makes you writhe in pain. How many walls you build around you the deluge of humiliation and scorns to destroy them, and flood your being. I can understand how painful it is to silently digest all these and much more. With no one to listen to your tales and none you can trust, not even your parents, you feel smothered.
At this stage, you are desperately seeking the right guidance, and most importantly, a comforting and non-judgemental friend. And, such an absence is making you think of many wild and self-destructive steps. But do you think, will anybody ascertain your extreme cry for help? No! For no one will pause and take time out from their busy schedules just for you.
Who are you? Nobody! Yes. Don’t shy away from this glaring truth. It may be hard but it’s the pill you’ve been looking for. You have no contribution to their lives. In fact, your oversized image and aberrant behaviour embarrass them. And, you can’t please them no matter how much you try, mainly because; you are trying in the wrong way.
And, the more you become victimised by body shaming the more your superpowers are falling in danger. You are much more beyond those curves. You’re shifting your focus from the more crucial ones, you see. It’s badly affecting your studies and obviously your happiness. In fact, you are seeking happiness in all the wrong areas. What can be worse? You are exploring social media for getting true friends and listeners. However, the majority are not worth your friendship. Stay away from the virtual world!
So stop punishing yourself, NOW! End those purchases and consumption of fad diets, pills and powders. Neither they can give you a size zero figure overnight nor take away your blues.
Weight management is definitely necessary not to people-please but to become strong and flexible. Besides, healthy eating and exercise, together, go a long way in shaping your mental health. Now, nobody will tell you how important it is to preserve our minds. Nurture it with the right food and exposure. Mental health is still taboo but it should be the topmost priority in anyone’s life.
And, you should learn to introspect. Take out your journal. List your negatives as well as positives. Now, write how you can challenge and change the negatives. One by one, go slow. Be honest. Do it every day. And, feel the difference, maybe within a month or two.
For your body, love it. Don’t force it to fit into boxes that society expects from us. Neither people’s jealousy, frustration, and failed remarks amount to anything. Instead, pamper it with the correct doses. Treat it like your friend. Talk to it, butter it with pleasing comments and lovingly lose your weight. But the main weight you have to lose is from your mind.
Remember, you may be dependant now, on your parents but still you are a separate entity. Shape up your life by indulging in self-love every single day. And, gradually, you will take the best revenge by moving on your own, making your life and living it.
You can do it. I trust you.”
--- I wish I could have consoled myself in those adolescent days when I was battling anxieties due to body shaming and endless barbs and taunts, coming from so-called friends, relatives, acquaintances, and all.
All, I needed at that time, was a soothing and sympathetic touch. Someone whom I could tell what was bothering me, what were my wishes, and everything that got suffocated over the years.
I would thank God for not letting me perform incorrect acts and helping me to persist. Unfortunately, since the growing up years got wasted in trauma and turmoil, I still feel those jitters.